1. Recognition beats ignorance: First, discern that you are experiencing a surge of emotions, thus spawning the need to shift from normal mode into management mode.
2. Discern the distinctions: Know the difference between primary and secondary emotions (Primary emotions are the root emotions that cause us pain. Secondary emotions manifest that pain). Tackle the secondary emotions first, then address your primary emotions.
You can handle your secondary emotions by:
a. Choosing not to make any permanent decisions or actions based on those temporary feelings.
b. Finding a salubrious outlet to express instead of suppressing your secondary emotions.
Then, address your primary emotions with these a,b,c, and d’s:
a. Embrace the power of choices: choose to control your emotions and not let your emotions control you.
b. Deflate the power of your emotions by labeling them: use feeling words to characterize the emotion you are experiencing. This simple maneuver can remove the piercing sting from your emotions.
c. Identify & reframe the subconscious beliefs behind your primary emotions: Our primary emotions are often driven by our deep-seated subconscious beliefs. Without addressing these subterranean thoughts, our feelings will continue to rule us instead of us ruling them. Use essential questions to draw out these beliefs and reframe them wholesomely.
d. Behave in alignment with your newly reframed beliefs: As you align with your new liberating tenets, your feelings won’t change immediately. However, in time your feelings will catch up to your actions. Some actions can include forgiveness, boundary setting, loving confrontation, and other forms of personal growth.
